How to respond when Auntie says “eat more” when I am full? <A Fun Guide to 4 styles of communication>

Picture this: You're at a family gathering. You're comfortably full when Auntie walks over with a giant plate of dumplings and says, “Eat more!”.🥟🥟🥟😅

How you respond may reveal your communication style.

🤐 Passive: "Okay..."

Auntie: “Eat more!”

You: “Okay...” (takes the plate despite feeling full)

What it sounds like: Agreeing, giving in, avoiding disagreement.

What's happening underneath: You may want to say no, but you're worried about disappointing someone, appearing rude, or creating tension.

The message communicated: "Your needs matter more than mine."

🌋 Aggressive: "Stop Pushing Food on Me!"

Auntie: “Eat more!”

You: “I already said no! Why don't you ever listen?”

What it sounds like: Harsh, demanding, blaming, or confrontational.

What's happening underneath: You're expressing your needs, but in a way that may be difficult for others to hear.

The message communicated: "My needs matter more than yours."

😏 Passive-Aggressive: "Clearly You Know Better"

Auntie: “Eat more!”

You: “You're right, Auntie. Clearly you know I'm hungry better than I do.”

What it sounds like: Sarcasm, indirect comments, subtle resistance, or hidden frustration.

What's happening underneath: You don't feel comfortable expressing your feelings directly, so they come out sideways.

The message communicated: "I'm upset, but I won't tell you directly."

🌟 Assertive: "Thank You, But I'm Full"

Auntie: “Eat more!”

You: “Thank you, Auntie. The dumplings are delicious, but I'm comfortably full.”

What it sounds like: Clear, respectful, honest, and confident.

What's happening underneath: You acknowledge the relationship while expressing your own needs and boundaries.

The message communicated: "Both your feelings and my needs matter."

🌱 Takeaway Messages

Many of us weren't taught how to communicate assertively. As a result, we may default to being passive, occasionally swing into aggression when frustration builds, or express ourselves indirectly through passive-aggressive comments.

Assertive communication is expressing our thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly and respectfully. It means being able to (1) ask for what we need and (2) set boundaries (say no!) when something doesn't work for us. At its core, assertiveness recognizes that our needs matter just as much as anyone else's, and that it's our responsibility to communicate them clearly.